Category Archives: Uncategorized

Wisdom Matters

How often do you receive really dumb communications? Like truly fake news? Incorrect info? Hurtful comments? Simply stupid statements?

For many of us, it’s way too often.

This is why wisdom matters.

When it comes to communicating effectively, wise people do it best.

Listening to people who are the opposite of wise inflames the anger and misunderstanding many of us experience today.

“Wisdom is oriented toward social harmony and the good of the people around us, not just toward ourselves,” says Jonathan Rauch, exploring the qualities of wisdom in the recent Globe & Mail article, Why Wisdom Might be Ripe for Rediscovery. “The benefits of having wise people and behaviour in our midst spill over to make life better for the rest of us.”

So how do we find wisdom?

Along with  “the ability to use knowledge and experience to make good decisions and judgments” (Cambridge Dictionary), wisdom has a number of specific qualities. By seeking out people with these characteristics, and paying attention to what they communicate, all of us can benefit.

Rauch and psychology professor Laura Carstensen mention some of the traits that are integral to wisdom.

  • Use pragmatic knowledge of life to resolve personal and social problems
  • Try to understand situations from multiple perspectives and are tolerant
  • Able to cope with ambiguity and uncertainty
  • The ability to regulate emotions
  • A capacity for reflection and dispassionate self-understanding

What’s perhaps most valuable about wisdom for all of us is that wise people also possess compassion and concern for the common good. And they demonstrate generativity ­ – a need to contribute to society and to do things that benefit future generations.

Advice and guidance from wise people encourages us to do what’s right.

So let’s seek out wisdom. Let’s encourage and support, listen and learn from, wise people – those individuals who communicate accurately, sensitively, compassionately and helpfully.

Wisdom matters.



Read. Lots. Often.

Want to succeed in your career or business?

Three tips: read, lots, often.

While skimming headlines on our smartphones is the new norm that constitutes reading for many of us, it’s taking a toll on our communication skills: listening, speaking and writing.

Yet solid communication skills are crucial for success in many fields of work.

According to Psychology Today, reading on screens can stress the brain and interfere with deep learning. By setting aside our smartphones and other screens for just a few minutes each day and reading a variety of materials, however, we can build the skills we need for success. At the same time we will reap additional benefits that enhance our lives overall.

Here are six important reasons why we should read. Lots. Often.

  1. Builds language competence because we learn new words and how to use vocabulary and to structure thoughts and sentences.
  2. Improves our writing by exposing us to other styles and forms of writing, and better writing than our own.
  3. Enhances listening capabilities by strengthening our ability to focus, comprehend information and acquire meaning.
  4. Generates new ideas by exposing us to new concepts, people, places and events outside of our own experience.
  5. Exercises the brain and strengthens function, including mental flexibility, memory and thinking skills.
  6. Reduces stress by enabling us to immerse ourselves in stories or other content. Reading can actually reduce heart rate and muscle tension, calming our minds and relaxing our bodies.

So next time our smartphones make us feel stressed, anxious or depressed, let’s turn ’em off and start reading something else, something different from our usual preferences. Newspapers, journals, books, articles, short stories, plays, essays, poems, lyrics, comics – there are unlimited options for new learning opportunities.

Destress, exercise our brains, improve communication skills, succeed.

It’s a no-brainer. Let’s get into the habit of reading, lots, often.

True Story: stories communicate better than facts

Why do so many of us believe fake news and act on dubious sources of information?

Likely because the individuals communicating the info tell a better story than the real experts.

The work of respected educators, researchers, scientists, entrepreneurs, business and nonprofit leaders may be based on facts – but their communications with non-experts should be based on stories. Because facts don’t make people change their thinking or behaviour. Stories do.

As social media increasingly muddles fact and fiction, the way we frame information when we communicate has a dramatic impact on whether the intended recipients pay attention to it and how they process it.

In my last blog post, I mentioned how neuroscience research shows that when receiving communications our brains pay attention and respond according to filters. As far as our minds are concerned – truth, facts, accuracy –  these are not top filters. Our brains are more engaged by emotionally compelling stories. The reason? Neuroscience also tells us our need to connect with one another is as strong as our instinct to survive.

Stories connect us by developing common ground and understanding. When people relate to a story, they are more receptive to the ideas being communicated.

Unlike facts, powerful stories establish tension that needs to be resolved. They show us a better place and a way to get there. This tension helps to persuade people to change thinking or behaviour in order to move to that better place.

So if you want to influence how people think, feel or act, before stating the facts, start with a great story.

Here are the principles of captivating storytelling.

Present a problem that encourages your audience to keep reading/listening/ watching – capture their attention and imagination with a fascinating story that introduces the context and a relatable challenge. Align the problem with something your audience has, or could, experience.

Show what’s possible  –  the beneficial end result of what it would be like if the problem were solved. How could it make life/work better? Show how it will be worth the effort to get there.

Explain how to  get there –  your solution to the problem. Make your key points. What’s special or transformative about the resolution? How does it address the problem or challenge? Demonstrate this with an example.

Describe the impact  your solution has or could have. Now you can support your story with facts, but also include an example or two as part of the story to illustrate the impact. How were people affected by the solution to the problem? What positive differences did it make?

Conclude with a call to action – consider what you want your audience to think or do after hearing your story.   As you wrap up, invite them to do it.

Ready to educate, motivate or persuade? Begin with a story of struggle and triumph. It will engage the brain, capture the heart, and make change happen.

Neuroscience points the way to communicating effectively in post-truth times

For professional communicators,  the Oxford dictionary 2016 word of the year – post-truth – is a game changer.

Post-truth: an adjective defined as ‘relating to or denoting circumstances in which objective facts are less influential in shaping public opinion than appeals to emotion and personal belief.’

The US election campaign clearly demonstrated this new reality when feelings proved to be more powerful than facts in influencing the thoughts and behaviour of the public.

Neuroscience tells us that when receiving communications our brains use filters, paying attention and acting according to these filters.

To help communicators successfully engage and connect with others, the Maritz Institute developed a communications model based on these filters.

First, there’s interest vs. effort. When receiving a communication, the first reaction of our brains is to determine whether it’s worth the effort, favouring messages that present the most interest and the least effort.

Other filters relate to emotion (such as our feelings and values), history (including our past experiences and memories), the future  (our expectations, goals, hopes), and our social situation (such as economic status, family, traditions).

Truth, facts, accuracy –  none of these are top filters as far as our brains are concerned. Moreover, social media blurs the boundaries between fact and fiction.

So if we want to capture attention, engage people and build relationships in a post-truth era, neuroscience suggests we should communicate with messages that are simple, emotionally appealing and relevant to recipients’ experiences and expectations.

Of course, if we also want to establish a reputation for honesty and trustworthiness, our communications must also be consistently truthful and factual.

If the truth be told.

Straight Talk: start a dialogue to understand differences


It’s not a word we often hear these days.

Yet it’s one of the most effective communication tools to gain understanding and to build relationships.

Want to understand the reason for a client’s decision?

Want to know why your boss is handling a situation a certain way?

Want to figure out why a colleague has a different opinion than you about strategy for a project?

Then sit down together and have a dialogue. When you view an issue differently than someone else or you don’t understand the individual’s perspective, having an open-minded dialogue can help both of you achieve a common understanding. Moreover, it’s enjoyable, it’s easy and it’s rewarding.

If you don’t know how to dialogue effectively or have forgotten how, here are a few tips.

The goal of a dialogue is simply to understand the other person’s viewpoint –  not to persuade them to your way of thinking.

One individual talks, presenting his or her point of view.

The other person listens, without interrupting or asking questions, with the aim of learning and understanding.

Then it’s the listener’s turn to talk. Again, the aim is simply to explain your own standpoint –  not to defend it or to argue against the other person’s opinion.

By the end of the dialogue you should share a deeper understanding of each other’s opinions, ideas or issues.

A nonjudgmental dialogue promotes mutual understanding, reducing misunderstanding and conflict and strengthening relationships.

So what do you say? Isn’t it time for a meaningful dialogue?

Dear Customer: You’re Wrong, We’re Right

Time for companies to get right on customer-retention communication training

Have you complained to a product or service provider lately only to receive a lecture rather than an apology?

Seems there’s an unfortunate trend where more companies are lecturing customers as to why we’re being unreasonable in expecting basic service standards – rather than apologizing for not meeting them. Here are a couple of examples.

After researching carpet cleaners online, I hired a company called (ironically) Reliable, which had great reviews. Unfortunately, after the carpets dried there were brown water stains on the carpeted stairs. I called the company and was told the technicians would return the following week to fix the problem. When they didn’t return, I left a low rating for the company on the online review site. The owner subsequently called but rather than asking how he could resolve the issue to my satisfaction, instead lectured me as to how a low rating negatively impacts his business. Obviously I won’t hire the company again, nor recommend it to anyone – a lost customer development opportunity.

Not long after, I was returning home from Cancun on a WestJet flight. Turbulence started soon after takeoff. The seatbelt signs came on and there was an announcement to “refrain from using the washrooms.” The turbulence continued for the next 2 1/2 hours while seniors clutched seatbacks enroute to desperately needed washroom visits and wide-eyed parents rushed little ones down the aisle.

I stopped one of the flight attendants and asked her why the flight crew couldn’t make an announcement informing us how long the turbulence might last and how passengers could safely make their way to the washrooms.  While I expected a “good idea!” in response, instead I received an irate lecture on how there was “NO WAY the flight crew can know how long turbulence might last” and “we’ve already told passengers to refrain from using the washrooms.” She walked away, irritated that I would be so demanding.

Way to keep passengers informed and safe! The turbulence, and the seatbelt signs, continued for another hour. As we landed, an attendant made an announcement thanking us for choosing WestJet.

Since we’ve since relayed this story to numerous people and next time will fly with another airline, WestJet not only lost customers but also numerous recommendation and referral opportunities.

And it’s not just me. In 2015, PR Week reported that in a survey of UK consumers carried out by call answering service alldayPA, 76% of respondents who had complained to a business did not receive an apology. In fact, close to half of them (47%) were personally blamed for their complaints.

At the same time, most survey respondents (68%) also said that impolite or unhelpful compliant handlers would cause them to take their business elsewhere.

Time for some customer-retention communication training. Here are a few tips for effectively handling inquiries and complaints.

  • Communicate with customers in a positive, helpful manner
  • Listen attentively to what the individual has to say.
  • Acknowledge a customer’s bad experience. You can soothe many angry customers with a simple “I’m sorry you had this experience.” This doesn’t admit fault, it’s merely empathizing with the person.
  • Do your best to help. Rather than making excuses, consider what you can do. Offer potential solutions or ask the customer for suggestions.
  • Thank the individual for bringing this problem to your attention.

The benefits of this kind of considerate communication?

A major competitive advantage, along with more satisfied customers, more recommendations and referrals, higher profits.

All good reasons to get right on it!

Show me a Sign!

Sometimes the simplest communication works best.

Take, for example, a recent business meeting. Because of poor communication I missed the meeting entirely. Instead of moving an important project forward, all of us involved lost precious time and productivity. And it was completely preventable.

Here’s why. I was driving to downtown Toronto for this meeting. While I usually take transit, I was going to drop off and pick up several boxes and needed a vehicle. Given it was a Sunday morning, the trip would typically take  a maximum of 30 minutes. Except, without warning the traffic on the highway came to a standstill. I crawled along, then exited to another road, and then another, trying various routes to reach my destination.

Police barricaded streets for miles but weren’t close enough to ask them questions. Hundreds of streetcars, buses and cars were entangled in gridlock. Nowhere was a sign indicating what was happening or where we should go to avoid the road closures.

The trip took 1 1/2 hours. I missed the meeting. In fact, several people did.

Turns out there was a charity run event. Apparently this had been mentioned in the local news but  none of us who were attending the meeting saw this. A news announcement however, should not be the primary means for informing the public about this type of situation. Effective communication requires considering numerous factors such as audience, occasion, location, time, cost and impact.

Seems to me weighing these factors points to a simple communication solution: signage along major routes into an event area, situated well in advance of the event location to allow drivers and transit passengers to choose alternate routes. So much wasted time and misery could have been avoided with one of the most basic communication tools – signage.

This is a good communication lesson for all of us. Let’s not get so caught up in our social media strategy, online presence or mobile apps that we overlook the most fundamental communications to reach our target audiences. Sometimes all it takes is a simple sign.

City of Toronto, are you listening? Show me a sign.